


A bullet is a love confession

by captainhurricane



Series: life and the universe (as we know it) [4]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-09-17
Updated: 2013-09-17
Packaged: 2017-12-26 21:12:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,406
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/970356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/captainhurricane/pseuds/captainhurricane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There is no Shepard without Vakarian, that is the truth. Little moments are what make a life and there is no life like theirs.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A bullet is a love confession

**Author's Note:**

> another one of my Shepards. This is really stream-of-consiousness-kind of writing so bear with it. :D I kinda played the Garrus-romance just to see what's like and he was just so so so so cute, jfc. /gushes

What Garrus Vakarian learns at an early stage in his life is that nothing comes easy. Staring at life through the barrel of his sniper rifle makes the world seem smaller than it is anyway because why waste time thinking about what-could-have-beens and whatnot when life is here and now, life is hard and dangerous and Garrus really wouldn't have it any other way. Not even when she comes into the picture and danger becomes second nature (if it wasn't before), a rifle becomes an extension of his arm (if it wasn't before and it was, oh, it was- the gun that was a friend when there were none) and at one point, Garrus finds himself in love. They might be running towards their deaths but he'll be damned to ignore the throb of emotion, the quickening beats of his heart when near his commanding officer. While Commander Shepard isn't an easy woman to love; even with her penchant for giving second chances and smiling at pointed guns, running ahead of everyone because it's her job; to run and to protect and keep the seams of a breaking galaxy together. *  
  
1.  
  
"Oh," he says when it's evening and the Normandy hums with life around him. An answering noise meets him from the other side of the table. It's rare to see Kasumi outside of her chambers and today there is a strange twitchiness to her, her gloved fingers trembling in a way that can only be noticeable to a seasoned warrior like Garrus. Yet Garrus is deep in thought and he lets it go; Kasumi has her own share of problems and will share if she wants to. And they're all nervous, nearly at the eve of their trip towards certain doom. "Nothing," Garrus says. The corners of Kasumi's mouth twitch into a small smile. She laughs and continues eating her lunch, sitting crosslegged, slightly hunched.

"Did you have a revelation or something?" She's not still, staring from the shadow of her hood. Garrus clears his throat and tries to go back to calibrating. He has no idea why she's bothering him- or anyone else for that matter, she flickers in an out of visibility like an electric ghost. He shifts his weight from one foot to another. What he just thought weighs heavily on his mind, but it also makes him giddy; the thought of Shepard's proud back and her fiery hair.  
"I know you guys don't really do the expression-thing like we humans but if that isn't a thoughtful expression, I don't know what it is," Kasumi says. Garrus twitches. She's right behind him and is gone like a light.  
"Kasumi, please," Garrus says into the thin air. <br>"Only a few things can make a seasoned warrior sound and look like that," her answer comes with another hoarse chuckle.  
"One of them is love. Is it love, Garrus?"  
"Kasumi," Garrus starts, sighing again. He turns and has enough time to watch the door open and close. "It's. I think so," Garrus murmurs and knows no one is there to listen.

 

2\. 

"Unbelievable," she whispers against his chest. He laughs, the sound rumbling pleasantly against her. He's careful when wrapping his arms around her tired body, knows his own hardened skin must feel odd against the human softness. She laughs; a short, unhappy laugh but it's a laugh no less.  
"We're alive," she continues, still in that same tone. Garrus knows her eyes are closed, her red hair (now open) spread against his turian-skin.  
"We showed those Collectors," Garrus huffs, is careful when raising a hand and touching the back of her head. Is careful and knows her annoyance might raise at it at one point because Shepard- no one treats Shepard lightly, like she might break and die (again) and leave the galaxy without a saviour but for now she lets it slide. Garrus wishes he could read his girlfriend's (the thought still amazes him to this day; the moment when she pressed her nose against his and smiled and whispered a yes, you too) mind, to know what thoughts run under soft (albeit scarred) skin and a soldier's muscles.  
"Damn right," answers Commander Shepard, in her underwear and tired as hell right now. Her thoughts are simple; Garrus' presence feels nice, as does the thought of her crew going about their business under her; maybe Kasumi is going through someone else's underwear for a change- maybe Tali has already curled up to sleep in her bunk, dreaming of a planet she has never seen. 

Peace. Commander Shepard has known peace and knows if there is something worth fighting for in a galaxy as cruel and beautiful as theirs, it's that. And perhaps love too. Just a bit. She snuggles closer to Garrus and smiles. Doesn't think of the darkness of Collector-hallways. Doesn't let herself think of it. Or the tomorrow that might bring about a darker threat; will bring about a darker threat. Lights awaking in the deepest spots of space, ready to bring chaos to a galaxy she's sworn to protect. 

3\. 

In the end, she never does come back. Not quite as she was, anyhow. Garrus dreams of her red hair and her smile, of her soul longing for peace in a galaxy that fights against it with every step of the way. Garrus dreams of Commander Shepard; as she was, strong and fierce, a small woman standing tall and staring a Reaper like it was nothing but an overgrown insect. Garrus dreams of her when he's awake and when he's asleep. He can walk down a street and hear her voice, still feel a twinge of fear and hate at the Reapers roaming the sky; like slaves now, nothing but oddly-shaped ships that speak of the end of the world no longer. 

_Garrus._

He misses her. He misses her. She never came back after all. The galaxy is in pieces and Commander Shepard is no longer. There is peace but it's a peace of high cost. Garrus knows he should be heading to Palaven to be with his father and his sister but on Earth he can still feel like she's somewhere out there, just out of reach. 

_Garrus. I'm here. I'll always be here._

He misses her. Her voice is ringing in his mind. Garrus thinks he might cry if he was human and in a way he's glad he isn't. What would a human mind do when hearing things like he does? How do humans even cope with missing someone? Oh, shut up, he thinks at the voice he thinks he hears. The wind picks up. The streets of London are in chaos. Garrus has no idea why he stayed when most of the Normandy-crew scattered to where they are needed the most-- Tali to Rannoch, her hand clutching his and not letting go until he assures her it's fine, it's really fine, go-- Javik to where no one can reach. No one knows what he and Shepard had talked about the night before the beam but after the fighting had ceased, he was nowhere to be found. No one had particularly liked Javik but he had been a valuable companion. The grief he had felt had been something no one had been able to understand, maybe not even the ever-compassionate Shepard. Garrus finds that thinking about the crew helps a little; had they not been the ones standing by Shepard's side from the beginning? The ones witnessing everything as Garrus had done, witnessing the strength one human soul can hold. 

Garrus loves them. Not the way he loves Shepard (loves, not loved because there are no women like Shepard, there is no one like her and she's not here anymore), but loves them anyhow. Loves the ones who went and those who stayed. James Vega's hand patting his back and inviting him out for drinks after a good day of rebuilding and offering to buy one; _hey, Scars, I do remember what you can drink and what you can't but you need a little relaxing!_ Garrus wonders if those who stayed did so because of him or because of her; Shepard had brought them together, had sewn them together so tight it's impossible to break apart anymore. 

There is laughter in the wind. Garrus thinks nothing of it. At nights, he dreams of Shepard. She tells him everything is alright and that she's watching over him.


End file.
